A Moment

Inevitably, within the first 15 minutes of one of my parents numerous visits, my mother will pull me aside and tell me how much the kids have changed. I always wave a dismissive hand at her and tell her she is crazy. In theory, I know she is right it is just that I see them every day so those small changes my parents see seem to pass me unnoticed. But then, there will be moments, random moments, that will catch me off guard and in an instant I will realize how much they have grown.

Raif is out of town this week so I have inherited the task of taking Greyson (as well as Quinn) to school in the mornings. The drop off process is really quite simple and painless at BGA - you drive around slowly to the cafeteria door where a very polite 4th grader opens your door and helps your little one out. This morning was no different than any other day and Greyson hopped out of the car, really paying me no attention as he clamored after his friend Nicholas who had gotten out two cars in front of me. However, as I was pulling away, I heard him cry "Mommy" and as I turned around, assuming he had forgotten his lunch or his bag I saw my little man with a big grin waving at me from the school door and then he said "I love you!!!" He looked so small compared with the older kids shuffling in and his giant book bag didn't help matters much but as he turned to run inside I felt this sharp pain in my heart with the realization of just how big he has gotten, how independent. For the first time I didn't see my 'little' boy, I just saw a boy. That is when I began to weep.

I can't tell you why today of all days I was hit with this revelation, one would think it would have happened on his first day of school, not a month and a half in. Perhaps it was his sweet "I love you" that melted my heart. Who knows, but what I do know is that the little boy who used to cling to me for dear life is very rapidly slipping through my fingers and in his place is an independent, self aware boy who needs his mother less and less each day. My heart hurts.