End of An Era

If you ask either Raif or I if we want to have more children you will receive a resounding "No" from both of us (though Raif's would be a bit stronger and more heartfelt). We are quite happy with the size of our family - we fit nicely at our small 4 person kitchen table, although we don't have one, we could all fit into a sedan comfortably and Raif and I have gotten pretty good with our man to man defense in relation to our kids (more kids requires that we retool to play a zone). Many of my friends are either pregnant or gearing up to become again and I don't envy the midnight feedings and the haze of exhaustion that haunted me through the first four months of both my children's lives. I am enjoying my children more than ever - both verbal and both (almost) potty trained. I love being able to have conversations with them and love developing a relationship with them that encompasses more than a desire to be fed and changed.

With that being said, I sit here with a suprisingly heavy heart as I look toward tomorrow. For tomorrow Quinn's big girl bed is being delivered and with that we will be saying goodbye to cribs in the house. But for me it is more than that - it will be saying good-bye to the last bastion of babydom in our lives and that is making me a bit hollow inside.

Now don't get me wrong - actual 'babies' left our house a long time ago. Anyone who has spent time with Quinn knows that she went from baby to preschooler (completely skipping toddlerdom) in a matter of months. At 12 months she was crawling and babbling and by 15 months she was walking and using full sentences. But she still slept in a crib and therefore I could still consider her my baby. Tomorrow that is going to change and my baby girl is going to magically transform into my little girl. She, of course, is thrilled. Her desire to grow up almost equals my desire to keep her a baby.

I know that I don't want another baby but I just wish I could hold on to the one I have a little longer. While I won't miss the 2AM feedings, I will miss that quiet moment of peace we had together in the middle of the night after tummies were full and the snuggles that only babies give best. I will miss that content sigh they make as they fall asleep on your chest knowing that they are safe in your arms. I guess the next time I will get to experience that will be with my grandchildren and that seems like such a long time away though considering how fast Greyson and Quinn are growing it might not be as long as I think.