A Day In The Life...

This morning my friend Madelene posted a funny article on her Facebook page. The piece was a woman writing in to a columnist trying to figure out what stay-at-home Moms do all day because she couldn't figure out why her friend was so tired and hard to get a hold of. It got me thinking so I thought I would try my hand at outlining my day for everyone. Here goes:

6:30AM - Here children chattering through monitors. Become conscious enough to determine if they are in pain or dying. No? Great. Turn the monitors off.

7:00AM - Alarm wakes me up. Attempt to shove Raif out of bed and into shower. Stumble upstairs to get kids out of bed. Negotiate and referee which kid gets to bring what book downstairs to watch them at breakfast. Utilize skills learned by watching WWE to get my son into clean underwear and Quinn into a clean diaper.

7:15AM Herd children downstairs and fix breakfast. Attempt to get Quinn to eat her banana. Attempt to get Greyson to drink his yogurt. Referee where the books sit at the breakfast table so they are equally watching each child.

7:30AM Fix Raif's breakfast

7:45AM Wrangle Greyson into his school clothes and pack his backpack for the day. Figure out which of his 600 stuffed animals he wants to take to school.

8:00AM Shove husband and son out the door for school and work. Attempt to help Raif remember his lunch, coffee and computer - usually fail at reminding him.

8:10AM Realize I haven't eaten breakfast - shovel cereal in.

8:15AM Attempt to clean up kitchen but realize that the dishwasher is full and clean from last night. Try to stealthily empty dishwasher without Quinn noticing.

8:16AM Quinn notices the dishwasher being emptied and wants to help.

8:16 to 8:30AM - Help Quinn unload dishwasher. Pray she doesn't cut herself on a knife or drop a bowl. Watch her put everything in the wrong place.

8:30AM - Attempt to load dishwasher with dirty dishes. Try to keep Quinn from taking said dirty dishes out and putting them away.

9:00AM - Herd Quinn upstairs to put on clothes. Rationally discuss why she can't wear sandals in the snow or why light green doesn't go with dark green. Usually fail.

9:15AM Begin reading book of the day.

9:30AM Still reading book of the day.

9:45AM Begin to go insane as I continue to read the book of the day.

10:00 AM Take Quinn downstairs for morning snack.

10:15AM Back upstairs to hopefully do something else than read the f'*%%$in book again. Play doctor, play big bad wolf, do puzzles - whatever she wants to do.

10:45AM Downstairs to start making lunch.

11:00AM Lunch!! Negotiate what is for lunch, how much she has to eat, what glass her milk is in, whether her food in on a plate or in a bowl.

11:30AM - Thank GOD naptime!!! Realize that I haven't showered, brushed my teeth or put real clothes on. Go do all these things so I feel human again.

12:00PM Feed myself.

12:30-2:00PM Try to get stuff accomplished: put all the dishes Quinn put away that morning in their correct spots, pay bills, catch up on correspondence, read the CNN headlines so I am not completely out of the loop on the real world, clean up the kitchen, fill the bird feeders - you get the idea. Try to spend about 20 minutes loving on the dogs so they don't feel left out.

2:00PM - Wake Quinn up, change her and get the family ready to pick Greyson up at school.

2:05PM - Frantically search the house for my cell phone and keys.

2:10PM Call my cell phone because I can't find it.

2:15PM Load up Quinn and the dogs in the car. Negotiate with Quinn as to what toys she may have for the drive.

2:25PM - Get on the highway just as Quinn tells me she has dropped her book and wants me to get it. Attempt to tell her that Mommy turning around to get the book isn't safe and when she stops at a light she will get it.

2:26PM - Turn radio up to obscure screaming about how she wants the book.

2:40PM - Arrive at school and whisk Quinn inside. First adult conversation of the day!!! Talk to teachers about how Greyson did at school.

2:45 - 3:00PM - Attempt to herd two screaming and running children out of the school. Watch preschool teacher walk 10 3 year olds quietly in a line from one classroom to another. Wonder what drugs she has given them and where I can score some.

3:00 to 3:15PM - Get kids in car and negotiate who gets what toy in their seats, who gets in first. Get evil looks from other parents waiting for my parking space.

3:30PM - Turn onto highway just as one of the kids says he/she dropped a toy and wants me to get it. Again discuss how Mommy can't pick up toys while driving 70 on the highway.

3:31PM - Again turn up radio to obscure screaming.

3:45PM - Finally reach a stop light and like a Jedi master get into the back of the car and redistribute toys for the rest of the ride home.

3:46PM - Get honked out by angry drivers when I have sat through half a green light.

4:00PM - Home again!! Try to herd children and dogs into house for snack. Negotiate snack between both of them. Greyson wants peaches. Quinn wants melon. Fix snacks and put them on table. Greyson wants melon too. Sigh. Eat the peaches myself and fix more melon for Greyson.

4:15 PM Attempt to be good Mom and try to do arts and crafts with the kids.

4:30 PM Herd children upstairs to play and referee over who get what toy and for how long.

5:30PM Back downstairs to start dinner. Try to cook dinner, play with kids, referee arguments, stop them from climbing on the table and generally destroying the house.

6:30PM I hear the garage door open. THANK YOU JESUS. A weary Raif enters the house and I give him the "Entertain your children now" look. He herds them into the bedroom while he changes and I get 15 minutes of peace to actually get dinner on the table.

6:45PM Put kids dinner on the table. Make Raif's plate. Make my plate.

6:50PM I sit down and cut my first bite. "Mommy, I need more broccoli." "Mommy, I need more chicken."

6:55PM Return with more food for the kids. Attempt to eat my first bite.... "Mommy, more milk please." "Mommy, more chicken please."

7:00PM Return with kids food. Attempt to eat first bite.. "Mommy, I am done." "Mommy, I am done." Shovel a couple bites in before the tribe gets restless. Attempt adult conversation with husband - don't get very far.

7:15 PM Upstairs to get ready for bed. Children have regained energy from dinner. Run around naked and have NO desire to go to bed. Wrangle children into pajamas, read story and tuck into bed.

7:45 PM Close doors on children.

7:46PM Feed dogs and clean up kitchen with Raif.

8:15PM Look over the damage from Hurricane Quinn and Greyson. Determine whether I should clean up or collapse on the couch and watch some TV.

8:15-9:00PM Try to be the good mother/wife and clean up some and once again answer correspondence, do laundry and other general to dos around the house.

9:00PM Finally sit down with Raif and share stories of the day as we watch TV. Really want to go to bed but don't because only really geriatric people go to bed this early.

10:00PM Thank God - bedtime. Get ready for bed and curl up under the covers. Turn the monitors on and listen to the angelic sound of my children breathing and forget all the hassle and turmoil of the day and realize that I don't have it that bad.