Starting Over

Raising Greyson has never been easy.

Now obviously, I don't mean that in the he-is-a-rotten-mean-kid-we-should-lock-him-in-a-basement sort of way. But Raif and I have faced A LOT of difficult decisions regarding the boy that haven't been covered in that handy little handbook we got when we left Northside 6 years ago.

In February I went in for Greyson's parent-teacher conference to talk about how Greyson was doing. We went through all the pleasantries and hit the high points like he is the sweetest child (which is true, most of the time), he is an extremely hard worker and is quite the little social bee. All things I knew and was proud of him for. When we got to the areas to improve on Ms. Kay was honest, brutally honest, which I am thankful for.

Greyson was struggling with his fine motor skills. This didn't come as a shock. He has always struggled in this area which more than likely is a result of his brain bleed when he was in the NICU. What I didn't realize was how much it would affect his schoolwork. He was having a hard time keeping up during creative writing because it simply took him so long to form his letters. In math, when they were learning to add using their fingers to "add on." Greyson was concentrating so hard on putting 3 fingers out that he forgot that he was suppose to be adding as well. And finally he was having a hard time getting things done in a timely manner. They move at a faster pace in 1st grade she told me, he may struggle more there. And she left it at that.

I mulled the conversation over and over in my head and with Raif, who unfortunately had been out of town on business during the conference. What would be the best way to help him? And if my conversation with Ms. Kay wasn't enough, fate heaped some more on me when a couple days later Greyson came home from school in tears. The very last person, other than Greyson, had lost their first tooth. When was it going to be his turn? Why wasn't he losing teeth like everyone else? I tried to explain to him it was because he was the youngest boy in his class. He was only 5 while some of the other boys in his class had just turned 7 and everyone else was 6. They are going to have those things happen to them first because they are older. "I hate being the youngest kid in my class!" That was when it first popped into my head - maybe we should hold Greyson back in Kindergarten for another year. I met with some initial resistance from Raif but after we talked it through we agreed it was probably for the best. We talked with his teacher who as always was as honest as could be. She told us that he would probably do OK in first grade but he would have to work hard and probably struggle at first. Repeating a year would allow him to be a leader in the new class and let him hone those fine motor skills and organizational skills without the stress of having to learn new academic skills at the same time.

Of course, while all this was going on, Quinn was breezing her way through all the Kindergarten interviews and tests. Obviously, a decision to hold Greyson back meant that we couldn't start Quinn as having both of them in the same grade would be disastrous. So now we had to make not only the right decision for Greyson but Quinn as well. Ironically, we made our final choice, to hold Greyson back, the day that Quinn's acceptance letter arrived.

At the end of the day, we know that this is the right decision for Greyson. I just wish we had made it last year. If Greyson had been born on his due date he wouldn't have started Kindergarten until this year anyway. We had briefly contemplated a Pre-K program for him but didn't find any we really liked and decided we would let the admissions process answer that question for us. We were so proud of him for getting in because that meant he had caught up and in fact gone ahead of where he should be. I think we let pride get in the way of looking out for what was best for him. As Ms. Kay said, he is a hard worker. He has fought every day of his little life for life itself when he was an infant and then to walk when they said he couldn't and to do all those little things that don't come so naturally to him. I am so excited for a year when he can just sit back and say "I can already do this." I think he deserves a break.

So, you may ask, how is he handling this? He is doing great. He is excited to be one of the oldest boys in class and his teacher has told him that he gets to be the leader and show everyone how things are done in Kindergarten. So today we started over.

Ms. Saville's 2011 Kindergarten class at Registration Day.

Last year when they called his name to join his class up on stage he refused to go, clung to Raif for dear life and sobbed. Today he jumped up and swaggered up there with so much confidence that I was the one that teared up. He has come a long way in a year and I know that he is going to do so much more.

As for Quinn, after sending one child ahead before they were ready I think we also were pleased with our decision to hold her back as well. We have enrolled her in an advanced Pre-K program in Franklin a mere 10 minutes from BGA (yay for me and my much reduced daily bus route). I think having a new school to go to helped ease the disappointment of not going to BGA with her brother. It also helps that her BFF Jackie will be in her same class and will also be transitioning to BGA with her next year.

So there you have it, the Erims once again navigating through uncharted parenting water. You know when all this is said and done maybe I should write that handbook. What do you think??