The Card

It came innocuously in Greyson's Tuesday folder from school - his very first report card. I stared at it with disbelief when I saw it. To be honest, I sort of forgot that we was going to get one and I surely didn't think it would come like this. I don't know what I expected - a personal call from the Head of School or bells to go off when I opened his folder but surely not this way - like a random piece of homework from or permission slip. I mean this was his VERY FIRST report card.

After staring at it a few seconds longer, I whipped it open and completely ignored the skill descriptions but went straight to the first 'grade' lines that were neatly filled with mostly D's and some B's. "Holy F*%k!" I thought, "my kid is failing Kindergarten." Of course he wasn't, since the B's and D's didn't actually mean he was getting B's and D's but were rather symbols for a far kinder grading system. I quickly scanned the report card and found the legend on the back. The B's meant that he was beginning to develop a skill. The D's meant that he had developed the skill but occasionally might need some reminders or help and S's meant that he had secured the skill.

My panic subsided a bit and I went back and read through everything. He got mostly S's in social behaviors (he gets that from me) got D's in reading and math skills (I perhaps can give Raif credit for those) and B's in fine motor skills. The fine motor wasn't a shock because a) I never got anything above a NI (needs improvement) in handwriting and most of the time scored the ever popular U (unsatisfactory) when it came to my elementary penmanship. And b) his neurologist told us that he would more than likely have motor skill issues (both fine and gross) from his NICU brain bleed. So all in all, it was a pretty good report card, I suppose. I mean if he was getting S's in everything his first quarter in Kindergarten then he probably shouldn't be in Kindergarten, right??

But then I started to analyze the card more and more. When we looked at schools about this time last year one of our main criteria was to put Greyson in a non-competitive school. One of our main draws to BGA was the warm and friendly family atmosphere. We had several people tell us that it was the most nurturing private school around and if we wanted something competitive this was not the place to send our kids. OK, so here it is - my touchy feel-y, non-competitive report card. This is what I wanted, right? Apparently not. OK, so he is developing his spelling skills. Good for him but where is everyone else in his class related to him? Are all the other parents looking at report cards chocked full of S's?? I am an accountant by trade - I deal with numbers, concrete answers, right and wrong. I wanted a report card filled with A's, B's and C's. I can relate to those, understand how he is doing, determine where his weaknesses are. I wanted something, anything that told me he was in line with his peers. What I got was a warm fuzzy report card that was starting to feel anything but warm and fuzzy.

Of course, as happens with most emotional traumas that befall me, Raif was out of town. I called him on the phone.
"We got Greyson's report card, today."
"Oh great, how did he do?"
"Well let me read it to you."
"Sweetie, I have got 5 minutes until my next meeting, can this wait til I get home?"
"Sure." (Of course what I was really saying in my head was "NO IT CAN'T")

And so I waited an excruciating 24 hours until my husband FINALLY arrived home. I presented it to him as soon as he walked in the door, before he could put his suitcase down or kiss his kids hello.

"So what do you think."

He gave it a cursory glance, nodded his approval, said "Looks good" and handed it back to me.

"That's it???? This is his FIRST report card EVER!!! Don't you think we should sit down and discuss it, dissect it. Isn't that what we are suppose to do?"

"Babe, it is a Kindergarten report card. I think you need a little perspective."

OK, clearly he was right but that didn't stop me. So after we put the kids to bed I forced him to sit at the kitchen table (because family matters should always be discussed at the kitchen table) and look over it again and I pretty much got the same declaration. "Looks, good to me."

But I just couldn't let it go. I felt very 'grown-up' discussing my child's report card. You know, like those random moments you have in parenting when you are hit with the importance and monumental weight of raising another human being. My racing mind didn't quite make it to "If he gets a bad Kindergarten report card he will never get into the right college" but I will admit it came close. Raif amused me for a couple of minutes but rapidly grew tired of the conversation.

"What if we went over it with him tomorrow and talked to him about what it means? Would that help??"

We did and it did help, a little. But the moral of this whole story is, I guess I am a little more competitive when it comes to my children then I thought. This might not surprise some of you but it actually did surprise me. I have tried to take a step back and I resisted the urge to write his teacher and ask for his class rank.

"Hello, my name is Michele and I am a grade junkie."

Admitting your addiction is the first step, right?